The 9 Most Badass Bible Verses

[mckitterick]

From Cracked.com:

Click the image to read the story.

My throat hurts from the laughing. Thanks to drpaisley for the tip.

Chris

Comments

[cmt2779.livejournal.com]

That's great! I always really enjoyed the story of Elisha and the bears as a kid. But my favorite story didn't make the list. In it, Jael invites Sisera into her tent to rest. She gives him water and milk to drink and he lies down for a nap:

Then Jael Heber's wife took a nail fo the tent, and took an hammer in her hand, and went softly unto him, and smote the nail into his temples, and fastened it into the ground: for he was fast asleep adn weary. So he died. (Judges 4:21)

I think that's pretty badass.

[mckitterick.livejournal.com]

Wow. No wonder Alex DeLarge liked the Old Testament so much.

[hlmt.livejournal.com]

Oh man, a couple parts really made me laugh so hard I was teary... =)

[mckitterick.livejournal.com]

!!!

[silvergoth.livejournal.com]

And I thought history was boring!

An religious poem:

Listen up, Boy Scouts:
Don't be dissin old bald guys
or bears will eat you

[mckitterick.livejournal.com]

I know! I love it!

[jjgalahad.livejournal.com]

Man, thank you for that. I sincerely needed this after the day I had.

[mrissa.livejournal.com]

I've been asked to do readings at some friends' wedding in March, and timprov immediately suggested that I should do the bit about Elisha and the bears.

Also, the crushing thing: the Saami people -- Lapp, but that's an ethnic slur -- geld their reindeers by crushing rather than cutting. It's to keep some glandular function as they grow so you get a bigger reindeer but not a full-fledged bull. Nowadays, by law, they do this with tongs, but there are laws on the books in most of the Scandinavian countries against doing it with one's teeth, because that was the old way. Seriously. Not kidding. Makes it pretty clear how you handle relatives you really, really don't like, doesn't it? "Okay, Uncle Paavo, I'll hold the reindeer, and you crawl under there and crush his testicles with your teeth. Heh heh heh. Either the reindeer kicks Uncle Paavo's head in or else he crawls back out again with his mouth tasting like reindeer balls for the rest of the week! I win either way!"

I try to keep my reindeer-herding knowledge under wraps, but sometimes it just springs forth without my full control.

[silk-noir.livejournal.com]

That was funny. :)

[kip-w.livejournal.com]

Here's the soundtrack to listen to while you read the article:

John R. Butler, "The Hand of the Almighty" (http://cdbaby.com/mp3lofi/johnrbutler-05.m3u) -- which is available on his album "Surprise." (http://johnrbutler.com/) If the rest of the album is as good as that cut, I should have bought it, instead of just listening to it via the m3u link on the web page.

[cmt2779.livejournal.com]

Wow! That's pretty damn great. Who could resist checking out the rest of the album based on that song?

[mckitterick.livejournal.com]

OMG that is great!